I Crashed a Funeral

A couple days ago, I found out a longtime friend's dad had passed away from The Mom (because she's morbid and likes reading orbituaries for fun). The Mom decided it would be "supportive" to go to the funeral (she looked up the location online) and show kindness to The Friend.

The funeral was yesterday and it was decided that I would accompany The Mom (to keep her out of trouble and from befriending everyone)

This would all be hunky-dory and full of rainbows if I had seen the girl in the last decade and not since our elementary school girl scout troop. Luckily my friend Bree wanted to go to the funeral since they were friends (via facebook).

It was depressing. We were greeted by an elderly looking man. The first words out of his mouth as we (Bree, The Mom, and I) offered sympathetic smiles, "Are you my brother's girlfriends?"

Um what? Bree and I look at each other while The Mom is looking a lot less smiley now, "Oh was < insert dead man's name > your brother?"

He was.

My jaw dropped. Well, they either hadn't had a good relationship or the man was hoping to have a one in three chance that he would get laid tonight.

As the amazing Chelsea Handler would probably say, "Not enough vodka to make that happen."

As for the crashing part...We sat in the VERY back and people watched the entire time (someone had an Ed Hardy diaper bag!. The speeches about the deceased dragged on and on. We knew NO ONE. People were glancing rather hostily (real word?) in our funeral crashing direction (or maybe because they heard us whispering about people's choice of outfits).

We didn't even reconize the supposed "friend" until the end (apparently people change a lot in 10 years, who'd a thunk it?). when the funeral was over and we walked over to "show our support". The Mom was very consoling and endearing as she pulled The Friend into a big bear hug. This would have warmed my heart had The Friend had an inkling about who we all were as we professed our sadness for the loss of her father. The Friend had NO FREAKING CLUE as to who we all were.

I was particularly displeased at The Mom for trying to convince me earlier that The Friend would be "thrilled" to have us all there.

She wasn't thrilled. At all.

but I guess I wouldn't be too thrilled either if my dad passed away...


Anyways, it sucked...

And not just because The Mom wore Christian Louboutins and I was dressed like a 5 year old in a knee length non-couture black dress and 3 inch heels.

But that did played a depressing role in the suckiness.